The Family's Pride and Joy

by Kelli Lee Weyand

I slammed my foot into my brother's shin;
He smiled and said to both of them,
''Mom and Dad, your daughter's lying.
She was out with that boy, Ryan.
She never went to Bible study;
Instead she snagged a make-out buddy.
She didn't make it home till four;
Just be thankful your daughter's a whore.''

My mother cried and threw the yams,
Claiming I killed Uncle Sam.
My uncle bowed his head and prayed,
''Lord, we thank Thee for this day.
On this hallowed Thanksgiving feast,
I thank Thee for my slutty niece.
I pray Thee take away her sins,
And let her try and start again.
Unless, of course, she can sing,
Then put her on the TV screen.''

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